Being the congenial, easy-going fellow I am, it's difficult to upset me; however, when it comes to government bureaucracy, I can get up on all fours in a heartbeat. It never fails, this time of year brings out the worst in me, it's forms, licenses, and no-tax due time.
Having been a small business owner for years has made me realize one thing—sometimes it just ain't worth it! Surely, I can't be the only person in town that spends hours and hours filling out forms, navigating through page after page of city, state, and federal websites only to find out, "I can't find this crap that everyone in government says is so easy." I finally figured out why they keep telling me that: It's because they have either never owned a small business or they had become so frustrated trying to comply they just threw up their hands and said, "I can't find this crap that everyone in government says is so easy," so they fold it in and got a civil service job where they can tell me how easy it is.
As painful as it may be, I've found that filing and paying my state and federal taxes are easier than renewing a business license. I am sure that Wentzville tries its hardest to make their processes and website absolutely idiot proof and realize now that I must not be the average idiot. I am a very special idiot; normal idiots can figure this stuff out with no problems. I have many friends who are fellow business owners but I never hear them complain about not being able to figure out this shhhhtuff.
Yesterday I received a bright yellow card that served as notice that my annual business license renewal is due—fine, I dug right into it first thing this morning. Following the instructions on the bright yellow card I went onto the city website and as instructed I looked for a tab that read; "forms & permits." There is no tab marked "forms & permits," so I went to "Business Services" and looked for it there, no luck but I did find "Doing Business in Wentzville." Under that menu item I found "Commercial Occupancy & Business License Application," I clicked on that tab and out popped a pfd with the form. Feeling home free I printed the form and spent the next half-hour locating all the appropriate tax I.D. numbers and assorted plunder to copy to the form. About half way through this four page form, I started feeling that "I've been here 10 years the city knows all this crap about my company," so I stopped and began searching the website again, knowing I had made a mistake.
After another 20 minutes or so checking every page for the elusive tab that I knew everyone else could find except me, I sat back in my chair and looked again at the half completed form. It still wasn't the right form and it was time to take drastic action; call the city. I dialed the number and after a ring or two came: "Good morning, City of Wentzville, this is Lisa." I was disarmed; all the frustration I felt was replaced with shame because I had to ask someone to help me with my problem. She replied, "The form is right on our homepage." I was still on the City homepage and I frantically scanned the tabs as she explained, "it is a bright green box." I was horrified when I saw it, I apologized to her for taking her away from her busy morning to explain to me (the idiot) how to locate the form.
I had always thought myself a fairly intelligent and somewhat literate man. I thought I knew my way around the City website but Lisa taught me a very important lesson: You can tell an idiot, but you can't tell them much. After printing out the correct form and filling it out, an hour and a half had passed, then came the dreaded State "No Tax Form." There's another hour wasted going through the state website looking for that thing. Now all I have to do is find $50 laying around so I can pay the fee. Maybe it's the city's fault, maybe they should have made the box bright yellow to match the card, maybe their yellow card should have given accurate instructions instead of saying to look under "forms & permits," maybe they shouldn't have hidden the bright green box in plain sight...yeah, that's it, it's the City's fault, I can live with that..
I just heard from one of my posse who said he didn't see the green box either. I asked him what he used for a form, he said; "the wrong one." Well I guess that makes two idiots but of different degrees. He's a regular idiot and I'm one of those anal retentive types who had to call mom to get directions.
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